She left her family. She had to. There actually was no way left to live like she’d been living up till that moment. So she left. A car and a u-haul packed with her stuff. A friend helped her out moving her shit into a storage facility in her birth town. Then she went to someone else’s house for a couple of weeks. When those weeks had passed too she finally could move into her apartment. The same friend helped her moving her belongings again from the storage to the apartment. They painted some walls and cleaned the house.
Years later her house was packed with all kinds of things that somehow intruded her existence. It cluttered like veins do just before a heart attack. And she got fed up. Within five years she didn’t succeed to feel at home at the wretched place. And then her mom died, her dad had died years before and when she realized she was an orphan she decided again to shift the balance in her life. So she fixed her kids up in the house to maintain it while she ran away. Working on the other side of the world, literally. The inheritance of her mom and her last savings were used to start on something she had never done before and without any certainty for success. But she went anyway and for the first time after over ten years of headwind she had the time of her life. She gained friendships. Learned about herself. How she was able to endure, to get things done. With a little help from some and a lot from others. And then she came back home. And all right, it was all wrong. She couldn’t adjust. Thing is, she’d seen how life could also be. Like s-i-m-p-l-e. As in not difficult. Only needing a simple house with a water well outside and almost no facilities. She had discovered what had always been there.
The house was as cluttered with things as it was before she had left. So she started cleaning the house. Getting rid of the superfluous belongings, trying to simplify life. To bring her place in a new balance. A new balance. That’s what is was all about, getting a new balance. Although she was chased for the effects of her downfall years ago she just keep on trying and trying. And slowly things progressed. Not so much with the house as it took so long to get is like she wanted to. It’s not easy to get rid of your belongings nowadays as people have all they need. But the other things started working out. She wrote another book and started working on her masterpiece to be. Filming, scripting, re-filming, editing, re-scripting, re-editing, designing, anything. And although at first she thought she wouldn’t be able to put it off, to really make something good, she started to understand that there were other qualities needed than the few that she had always been using in het no-so-perfect life. And she found out that they were there. With all the lack of confidence of a newbie on the scene she opened up her mind and allowed herself to re-think the concepts of her work and she rephrased.
And before the book was published and the first rough cut of the film was finished she made a photo exhibition with her friend who helped her getting to know who she was and that it wasn’t needed to try to be perfect. Although so many things challenged her and although many things went wrong and had tho be redone, she got the hang of it.
Within a few days from today her photos are exposed to the eye of the occasional visitor together with photo’s made by her friend. Maybe, you shouldn’t miss it and go check it all out. You may find her there and maybe you’ll get to know her again. The Headwind exhibition will open on September 1st in Creatief Warenhuis HOOP at the Grote Markt 10 in The Hague. Don’t miss it. May be you’ll find out she’ll be ok anyhow, even though it’s still all wrong. But that’s all right.
Alice © 2011