And again it’s time to move on. In the last decennium I have been living in several houses in different places. Thinking about the last ten years I have experienced an economic downfall from wealth to poverty and the way I am housed reflects that. Starting at the largest house I ever lived in that was build for (then) us with a big garden and an abundance of space, followed by the forced shift to a cheaper but still large house in the same little village and ending after the inevitable split in an old apartment in the city where I was born.
The houses I have lived in for the last ten years brought me sorrow, not happiness. And increasingly I got fed up with all the stuff in them. Going from big to small makes that small is usually packed with ‘belongings’.
All shifts were made because it was the only option in life. The last one in 2006 was the most dramatic one as I ran away from my own family to a place that was some sort of safe house. I still live there. Maybe it’s the reason why I had to go and live in this apartment, maybe it’s something fluid like ‘bad vibes’, but it never felt home to me. Actually my current apartment is technically ‘ok’. It’s quite big for someone living alone, it gives me privacy and above all it’s a very light place. Most people who come here love it. But I don’t and never did. I got it as an escape, a shelter and I was not looking forward to it when I dragged my stuff in. In the last two years it became so bed that I have been trying to stay away from the place as much as possible and I succeeded in that.
And now that seems to end. I am moving on.
Just a week ago the mail brought me an eviction order. Actually it was the feared paper announcing a court case to have me evicted. Thing is the rent is to high for me and I simply can’t afford living here anymore. I have tried to for to long and since my income has been pushed down as a result of my divorce it has become impossible to live in this place. The eviction order gave me the push I needed for so long to finally take my own matters in my own hand. I started moving, telling friends what’s happening to me and trying to find a way to reduce my cost of living by something like 50%. From experience I know that when people start acting the dynamics usually help to go to a new state of mind and possibly, when lucky, some sort of solution for the problems will pop up somewhere. The only thing being that one doesn’t know exactly what will happen in such a situation. The best thing to do is just keeping faith, communicate, recognize the severity of the situation and act.
I did. I did not panic and that felt as victory over my own misery. After a few days opportunities popped up thanks to great friends. And yesterday, a week after the eviction order, I found a place. And it fits like a glove. At first entry I felt a vibe that is positive thanks to the people living in the house and after that initial joy one surprise came after the other. It is an amazing place. Just what I have always desired. It’s old. Very old. Something like over 100 years old and I love that. On the second floor lives a girl and there are two rooms vacant, both for me to occupy. We will share a kitchen, bathroom, toilet and small balcony overlooking the backyard and garden. The colors in the house are warm and the materials honest. Wood all over. The rooms are bigger than expected and having two joined rooms I will have all the privacy I need. The place will cost me almost 65% less than my current apartment and most important: there are other people living in the house. When I live there I will not be alone every single day. There are people to talk to sometimes and there are peoples sounds in the house. Living alone is one of the reasons why I never felt good in my current place. I tried to but I failed being a loner. It didn’t work for me and never will. I am a peoples person, I need the feeling of having others around me.
So after over four years of not feeling home in my home I move on. Another step, a renewed life. I can’t wait to start.
Alice © 2011