I feel I have to make myself a promise. A promise for the future, like promises are meant to be. Thing is, my life was in shambles and I am slowly on my way back getting better and stronger by the day. Sure, I do have these depressed days every now and then and things are not in order. At all. But I’ll get there someday. My current efforts are focussed on become whole again, getting a normal life with my own place to live on an economic level that’s realistic. So I got these two rooms in this old house in which I live now. And I have this atelier in which I can work and a small motorbike to travel from the one place to the other.
I’m working on my film although it becomes increasingly difficult to do that. And I write. Every day I write. Books are in the making and I do all kinds of other stuff like building websites and taking photographs of whoever at whatever place on whenever time and day. I should feel happy because of all that but I’m so sorry that I’m not. I am in this somewhat happy – somewhat sad mode for most of the days. The thing that makes me happy most is the growing quality of my work as an artist, I am after all a fast learner when it comes to the concepts of my life and work. I never stand still and maybe that’s part of the problem.
I will continue writing and I will continue filming. Writing about other peoples lives, imaginary or not. Filming other peoples life. Because I’m scared to do both on my own life. But that is where the promise comes in. I promise myself that when the time comes I will try to move to New York. For a year. And film it. A year in New York.
You see, I have this urge. More of dream actually. An urge to live in that strange city and go under in anonymity and feel. Feel the heartbeat of tat city. Experience the life a New Yorker. Moving in circles of older artists who still create amazing work. Connecting with young artists who try to stand out. And film all that and write about it. I want to make a documentary about the life of the not well known artists of New York.
So, when Headwind is finished and when the next film on which idea I am currently working is finished. And in between my life and filming in Nepal which I really very much want to continue for the next few years, there should be that one year in New York. So I promise myself to do that. When the time comes. Because I still have dreams. In the meanwhile I love to share this five minute film made by Andrew Clancy, a cameraman who inspires me so much with this work.
Alice © 2011