No I am not a Buddhist. Nor am I an educated Hindu. I am also not a Christian anymore and certainly not Muslim. In fact I am non religious.

But am I really?

Well, maybe not. Maybe I am a religious person but in a different way. Maybe I do believe in powers stronger than mankind. Maybe I do believe in good fate and bad fate.

I do believe in a certain balance from within. A balance I am slowly learning to understand. The Buddhist principal of enlightment is something I think I understand. Up to a level. However, I do not understand why Buddhists can be as violent as they often are. Because I know they are. I’ve seen too much of that in regard to Bhutan. And I do not accept that it’s the Birmese Buddhist monks that are as true racists hindering Islamic charity organizations to enter the country and help the poor people in the refugee camps in the west of Birma along the Bangladesh border.

Islam is something I cannot embrace. It’s too violent. There are too many wars fought by Muslims nowadays. And I think that just as in other religions there really is a terrible inequality between men and women. Let alone other genders like me. No matter what other Muslims say, there seems to be an unbreachable gap between the Islam vision on humanity and the lack of positive action in the world coming from Muslim countries.

Same goes for Judism for as far as I am concerned. Because the politics from Israel (and their US based supporters) is disgusting. To my opinion.

I am certainly not Christian. I know too much of history to be able to be Christian. I would be too ashamed to be part of that religion. And I know I don’t believe in hell. Actually, that is the very reason why I cannot be a Christian anymore. I simply cannot mentally accept that there would be a God of revenge allowing a place like hell to exist. For me that God would not be a God but quite the opposite.

Hindu? No. Because there are too much problems in that. I love some cultural aspects of Hinduism and I certainly am positively interested in the concept of integration of the Hindu Gods in daily life. But I doubt the way minorities are treated and the caste system that seems to have originated from Hinduism is something I can never accept. It is horrendous.

But I do believe in the concept of karma. The concept of predestination on the basis of how people act and how ‘the system’ works. The concept of consequences connected with acts and thoughts and the lasting effect of that. Even on to new life over the border of death. Reincarnation is something that I can believe in. Just as people say they’ve not seen proof I find that there has also not been proof against it. And I do have some experiences I cannot explain and that haven proven to me that these connections to previous lives are certainly possible.

And I do believe in dharma. In doing what I have to do. And what I have to do is what I know by heart is the only reasonable option to do. Always. That includes the positive and negative and the choices I make and have made in life. I do believe that there is a framework, a masterplan, that we do not see or know. But that guides our lives.

And I have learned to trust both dharma as a sort of guidance system in my life nowadays and karma as the inevitability of how life unravels itself to me (and others). I solidly believe that there are reasons for me to be who I am and to experience my life like it is. Which is why I meditate, read the old Hindu books and slowly learn the importance of that guidence system in life. It is why I honor deteis like Nataraja and Ardhanrishvara as the two Hindu Gods that are closest to my inner person. That is where the connection lies and that is what I am slowly starting to understand as the core mechanism of my being.

Real life proves it to me.

Example. I live a poor life. I am pretty sure that just about everyone I talk too has an economically easier life than I have. And if I would really have to live off the funds I have available it would we be totally impossible to live in this complicated money driven society. I am in fact living at the sideline.

Which is fine with me.

Because I’ve learned to trust karma. I’ve learned that when things are really important and need funds to be supported on an acceptable level, I can trust that there will always happen something positive. Just today, that positive way of looking at life got rewarded. Our work (mine and my friends work) is on display in a gallery in the best possible manner. And that little backup that I need to be able do that one thing that is so important for the research on my new book, seems to be there. Totally unexpected when looked at from a western perspective but totally expected when looked at from an eastern perspective. Karma proved its existence again to me.

I suppose for a lot of people this thinking is unrealistic or even crap. But for me it certainly is not. It is how my life works. And I don’t mind. Actually I like it this way. I guess I am partly Hindu, a little Buddhist with a Christian background which originated from Judaism. A wonderful mix.

So, why did I write this?
I wouldn’t know. I suppose I just had to.

© 2012 Alice Anna